Comment Wall
Comment Wall
Portfolio Link: https://sites.google.com/view/philipsportfolio4/home
Image Information: "Colorado Springs" a photo I took myself while on a trip there.
Introduction to Philip a Sports Management Major
Hi I am Philip and this is my introduction for Indian Epics! Okay, so first of all I am a senior Sports Management major here at the University of Oklahoma. I am from Fort Worth Texas, but I was originally born in Munich Germany. My dad works on military aircrafts so when I was 3 years old we moved to Fort Worth. In my free time I like to play NBA 2k, play golf with my friends, and also play or watch basketball. I currently work a lot with OU Fit and Rec, and I have two positions there maintenance crew at the Huff and Intramural Supervisor. So one of the most important things about me is my dog. I have a black lab mix named Beau, and he is my best friend. Beau is one of the most loyal, smart, and friendly dogs I have ever met so he is the perfect companion. His favorite thing is to play fetch, and I can't even count how many hours during the original COVID lockdown we played fetch when I had no one else to hang out with. Beau is around a year old now, last summer I got
Hi Philip! I enjoyed reading your Four Fisherman story especially since it was from the Jataka Tales. The Jataka Tales were some of my favorite stories to read this semester. One aspect of your portfolio that I enjoyed was how you included the background video to help the reader understand the storm. I found myself enjoying the waves while reading your story. If there was one of thing that I wish was added was including more detail about the old man pulling out the big fish. If it really was the biggest fish they had ever seen, then it surely must have been some sight! I for one would have loved to read more detail about this feat! Additionally, I think adding an intro to the home page would be helpful. This would help the reader understand what to expect for the stories rather than just jumping in and having to figure out what stories will be told. Overall though I really enjoyed visiting your site and reading your story!
ReplyDeleteHey Philip!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your Four Fisherman story! I also have a story from the Jataka's tales, ironically, it is also the Foolish, Timid Rabbit. I really enjoy this story a lot, and I really value your spin on the story! I have yet to write my story on that specific source material like I have planned, but once I do, you should check it out! I would recommend that you add hyperlinks to your comment wall, as well as your blog, just because I know it looks nicer! I would also critique your home page because I personally like a bit of an introduction, even though I know it is not required. I still would like to know what I am getting myself into as far as what theme I should look out for, and what patterns I need to follow. Otherwise, great work! I cant wait to see how your site progresses through the semester.
Hey Philip,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the weathering the storm soundtrack was a nice touch. I really enjoyed your rendition of The Foolish Timid Rabbit. I think you do a really good job of creating an entirely different story but the same original message is apparent. Overall, I found your story to be more engaging than the original and I was able to relate to it more. Was there any specific reason for the characters you chose? For instance, you chose an old wise man as opposed to the lion and obviously the fisherman. What if you add a link to your comment wall that is easier to see? Currently, the link the comment wall seems really inconspicuous and there is a few ways you can incorporate into your site and make it look good. Also, what if you added a little more dialogue like the original story? I think the dialogue would allow for it be a little more engaging and add to the folk tale kind of mood.
Hey Philip! Wow, I really loved your story and the fact that you added a video with sound effects that made the story of the fisherman really come to life! I looked through your storybook and was really motivated to liven might up a bit! Your imagery and use of a video really helped bring your page to life! Reading your story I had a few thoughts like what made the old man so wise? Was it just the fact that he had more experience at sea or was his past full of unique life lessons that made him such a wise individual? I like how you centered your story around the theme of patience and charting one's own path. I also wrote a similar story to this but used animals and a watering hole as my characters and setting. The lesson of patience is a very important one and I am glad you chose it and brought it to life in this story! I look forward to reading more of your work Philip!
ReplyDeleteHey Philip! Great job on your first story! You did a fantastic job in it! I really enjoyed how you set up your project! Your choice of pictures, colors, and detail all complimented really well! I also thought the Hemmingway quote you chose to add in the beginning was a great detail and also fit well with your first story! I really enjoyed your rendition of this story! I really liked how you changed so many elements to make it your own but kept the message and core story in your version! Your dialogue and imagery was great! It really helped paint a picture for me while I was reading. Also I do not know if you have noticed or if it has been brought to your attention but your comment wall link doesn’t seem to be working! Its no biggie, a quick fix! I look forward to reading your other stories! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Philip!
ReplyDeleteSo far I have read your four fishermen story! I loved it! What I liked the most Is that you added background music to listen to while we read the story. I have never seen anything like that before, it was pretty ingenious of you! The story was quite fantastic. I liked how you had four different men, all who had a lesson to learn by the end of the story. There were some points where I was a little lost as to what was going on, I think because we got limited points of view. Maybe if we had more of the point of view of the young fisherman we could get a clearer picture. However, I realize it might be a little difficult including all of that into a short story. Regardless, I loved you story and I look forward to reading your story titled Los abandonados!
Hi Philip, it's me again!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your story title Los Abandonados. I was really excited to read this because the title seemed incredibly interesting! I have to say, reading this story gave me old school mafia boss vibes. I am not entirely sure why, but it kept me interested to say the least! Overall, I followed the story pretty well. I did have to go back a few times to remind myself who was who, because there were a few points in the story that were confusing. However, I thought the story ended sort of abruptly. I think maybe we could get more of Jose’s point of view. I feel like his reaction to learning of what happened was a bit odd, but also this is probably just how his character was meant to be. I have to say, this story really peaked my interest, and I hope you add onto this story because I would love to read more!
Hey Philip,
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time reading one of your portfolio stories. Los Abandonados was actually really great, I felt like I was reading the script to breaking bad or narcos. I really liked the structure of this story, you did a really good job of structuring the paragraphs and the flow of the story was great. The original story House of Fire was great and I love the twist you made by integrating a drug cartel story. What was your inspiration behind this? You really left the story on an interesting cliffhanger, do you plan on fleshing out what's going to happen between Jose and Pablo? One thing I may recommend is some dialogue between your different characters. Dialogue does a great job of engaging your reader further. Another thing I noticed and I don’t know if it was intentional but you have your author's notes/reading notes displayed twice, you may want to fix that.
Hi Phillip,
ReplyDeleteThe Jataka stories at this point are a bit blurry in my mind, but I really enjoyed reading your story. I think the music accompaniment really helped with the immersion. I saw that your dialogues were separated in paragraphs depending on the speaker and this made it easier to read. The dialogues being bunched up is a common mistake that I've found and it's actually a mistake I made myself as well. Coincidentally, your story involved the goddess of contagion similar to another story I just read from a different classmate. Maybe Covid got us all thinking of that particular goddess. Your language was very colorful and made it easy to create an image in my head while reading the story. Really can't find much to give feedback on. Great work!
Hello Phillip,
ReplyDeleteThe fisherman story I thought was super interesting and carried a moral lesson. In my opinion, that lesson is; don't disrespect the old man in a world where men die young. Yes, I get that fishing is not a profession where men die young often, but I believe the old man's wisdom applies strongly with that. I enjoyed the way you told the story and how you gave every character in the story his own respective background. The way you spaced the paragraphs out, it felt like I was switching from scenes to scenes which I thought was cool. I appreciated the colorful and easy language you used in order to better picture the image for the readers. Overall, I thought you did an excellent job with your story and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Philip,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story "Los Abandonados". You used a really unique concept and still managed to make it tie into the Mahabharata. The fued between the brothers was done really well and it made sense why there was so much bad blood between them. I liked the relationship between Julio and Jose. You made their relationship actually genuine. Another thing I enjoyed was that Julio had a contingency plan in mind and he was not a static character who just let anything happen him. After finishing it I am really interested in seeing how he retaliates against Pablo and how the whole dynamic of the cartel changes. You could honestly make a whole series out of this, and I am excited to see what other stories you cook up!
Hi Philip! Your Portfolio is coming along very nicely. One thing I would add on the homepage is a source for your background picture. Other than that, I enjoyed the simplicity of the home page because it didn't draw my attention away from the whole point in the portfolio: your stories!! I really enjoyed your use of the youtube video and picture in your first story 'The Four Fisherman.' I think it really added some imagery and really helped me as the reader to dive into the story and really insert myself into the setting. You also did a great job of incorporating dialogue into this story.
ReplyDeleteHi Philip!
ReplyDeleteI love the aesthetic of your Portfolio! You did a good job of choosing the images for each page and I liked how you included music for ambience as well! I would even say that I would like to see more images on each page just to give it that extra something something.
My favorite story out of both of them was "Los Abandanados" because it was able to pull me into the story more than the one about fishing did. I liked how you decided to write a story about the cartel and you even gave us a time period and everything to really ground the story in time and place. I really liked the dynamic you set up between the three brothers and I would even venture to say that I would appreciate seeing a little more of the relationship between the three of them. For instance, in the beginning of the story, you could include a memory from their childhood where they are all interacting with one another and playing and maybe they break out into a fight or something. Including something like that would definitely help me get more invested in these characters.
Great work!
Hi Philip!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the look of your homepage and the background image. I loved your narration technique for your fisherman story and it included a goddess just like mine. I hope to incorporate elements that I learnt from you in future posts.
Hey Philip!
ReplyDeleteI am from the Myth-folklore class, and I was stopping by to see how writings in the Indian Epics class was going and I am impressed! I took this class last semester and I really feel like you are on top of your writing much more than I was at this point! I love the design of your page and how personable you have made it. A lot of stories, I feel like, and including mine, are mostly designs and images that correlate with one's stories. This of course is fine as it reflects the themes of one's writing, but I felt a lot more welcomed with an image of the author on the homepage. I felt like I met you and got a sense of what your writing might encompass based on your choice of including yourself. I made sure to do that with my own storybook in my Myth-folklore class my including an image of myself as a profile picture! Well done, and hope to see your writing in the future sometime soon!
Hi Philip,
ReplyDeleteI liked how you included the Hemingway quote and the music and image you chose for the drug cartel story; they really helped draw me in to the interesting settings you picked. I read "The Old Man and the Sea" several years ago and didn't understand it at all, but seeing that quote and reading your story about fishermen and the storm made me want to take another look. Sometimes a good old fashioned seafarer's tale really hits the spot! Especially if you've been living in landlocked Oklahoma. Also, your author's note for your second story gives a good, concise summary of the story from the Mahabharata that you based it off of, which could be a helpful refresher for readers. Finally, I thought it was interesting how you changed the characters from the Mahabharata that served as the inspirations for the brothers in your stories so that you could retell multiple stories with different characters from the Mahabharata using the same family from Los Abandonados, and how you shifted the perspectives so that the second story is told in the first person.
Hi Phillip! This was my first time visiting your project, and I'm really excited that I got to read your stories. I really liked your story about the fisherman, and everything about your project. First of all, I thought the set-up and aesthetic of your wall was really nice, and it was super easy to navigate. I also really liked that you added the Hemingway quote at the beginning, and provided a link to music that could help us envision the story while reading it. I always like to listen to music when writing and reading, so this was something really cool to have. I think that music always helps us dive into our imagination a little bit more and be more creative. I read the "Old Man and The Sea" I think it's called by Hemingway over the summer, and this really reminded me of that. I thought it was interesting how you connected the Jatakas into this Fisherman universe. One of my favorite parts is watching everyone make their own stories from other stories, it really shows a lot about people's personalities. Lastly, I really liked all the descriptions that you used in your project, you did a great job with imagery and setting up the scenes.
ReplyDeleteHello Phillip. I have not read your stories before, but I am glad that I got a chance to before this course ended as they were interesting and enjoyable to read. I really enjoyed the interactive website and the soundtrack that you are welcomed by. It was a great addition to your website. I tried to add audio clues to my website, but could never figure it out. I like your version of the stories a lot more than the original version. You were able to maintain the lesson and theme from the original, and yet show creativity and bold plot choice in your writing. I can tell you are an excellent writer and reader. Your choice of words and organization in your writing allowed for a clear understanding of the script. Overall you did a fantastic job, keep up the great work. I might end up back here at your comment wall at the end of the week.
ReplyDelete