Comment Wall


 Comment Wall

Portfolio Link: https://sites.google.com/view/philipsportfolio4/home





Image Information: "Colorado Springs" a photo I took myself while on a trip there.

Comments

  1. Hi Philip! I enjoyed reading your Four Fisherman story especially since it was from the Jataka Tales. The Jataka Tales were some of my favorite stories to read this semester. One aspect of your portfolio that I enjoyed was how you included the background video to help the reader understand the storm. I found myself enjoying the waves while reading your story. If there was one of thing that I wish was added was including more detail about the old man pulling out the big fish. If it really was the biggest fish they had ever seen, then it surely must have been some sight! I for one would have loved to read more detail about this feat! Additionally, I think adding an intro to the home page would be helpful. This would help the reader understand what to expect for the stories rather than just jumping in and having to figure out what stories will be told. Overall though I really enjoyed visiting your site and reading your story!

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  2. Hey Philip!
    I really enjoyed reading your Four Fisherman story! I also have a story from the Jataka's tales, ironically, it is also the Foolish, Timid Rabbit. I really enjoy this story a lot, and I really value your spin on the story! I have yet to write my story on that specific source material like I have planned, but once I do, you should check it out! I would recommend that you add hyperlinks to your comment wall, as well as your blog, just because I know it looks nicer! I would also critique your home page because I personally like a bit of an introduction, even though I know it is not required. I still would like to know what I am getting myself into as far as what theme I should look out for, and what patterns I need to follow. Otherwise, great work! I cant wait to see how your site progresses through the semester.

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  3. Hey Philip,
    First off, the weathering the storm soundtrack was a nice touch. I really enjoyed your rendition of The Foolish Timid Rabbit. I think you do a really good job of creating an entirely different story but the same original message is apparent. Overall, I found your story to be more engaging than the original and I was able to relate to it more. Was there any specific reason for the characters you chose? For instance, you chose an old wise man as opposed to the lion and obviously the fisherman. What if you add a link to your comment wall that is easier to see? Currently, the link the comment wall seems really inconspicuous and there is a few ways you can incorporate into your site and make it look good. Also, what if you added a little more dialogue like the original story? I think the dialogue would allow for it be a little more engaging and add to the folk tale kind of mood.

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  4. Hey Philip! Wow, I really loved your story and the fact that you added a video with sound effects that made the story of the fisherman really come to life! I looked through your storybook and was really motivated to liven might up a bit! Your imagery and use of a video really helped bring your page to life! Reading your story I had a few thoughts like what made the old man so wise? Was it just the fact that he had more experience at sea or was his past full of unique life lessons that made him such a wise individual? I like how you centered your story around the theme of patience and charting one's own path. I also wrote a similar story to this but used animals and a watering hole as my characters and setting. The lesson of patience is a very important one and I am glad you chose it and brought it to life in this story! I look forward to reading more of your work Philip!

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  5. Hey Philip! Great job on your first story! You did a fantastic job in it! I really enjoyed how you set up your project! Your choice of pictures, colors, and detail all complimented really well! I also thought the Hemmingway quote you chose to add in the beginning was a great detail and also fit well with your first story! I really enjoyed your rendition of this story! I really liked how you changed so many elements to make it your own but kept the message and core story in your version! Your dialogue and imagery was great! It really helped paint a picture for me while I was reading. Also I do not know if you have noticed or if it has been brought to your attention but your comment wall link doesn’t seem to be working! Its no biggie, a quick fix! I look forward to reading your other stories! Keep up the great work!

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  6. Hi Philip!
    So far I have read your four fishermen story! I loved it! What I liked the most Is that you added background music to listen to while we read the story. I have never seen anything like that before, it was pretty ingenious of you! The story was quite fantastic. I liked how you had four different men, all who had a lesson to learn by the end of the story. There were some points where I was a little lost as to what was going on, I think because we got limited points of view. Maybe if we had more of the point of view of the young fisherman we could get a clearer picture. However, I realize it might be a little difficult including all of that into a short story. Regardless, I loved you story and I look forward to reading your story titled Los abandonados!

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  7. Hi Philip, it's me again!
    I just finished reading your story title Los Abandonados. I was really excited to read this because the title seemed incredibly interesting! I have to say, reading this story gave me old school mafia boss vibes. I am not entirely sure why, but it kept me interested to say the least! Overall, I followed the story pretty well. I did have to go back a few times to remind myself who was who, because there were a few points in the story that were confusing. However, I thought the story ended sort of abruptly. I think maybe we could get more of Jose’s point of view. I feel like his reaction to learning of what happened was a bit odd, but also this is probably just how his character was meant to be. I have to say, this story really peaked my interest, and I hope you add onto this story because I would love to read more!

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  8. Hey Philip,
    This is my second time reading one of your portfolio stories. Los Abandonados was actually really great, I felt like I was reading the script to breaking bad or narcos. I really liked the structure of this story, you did a really good job of structuring the paragraphs and the flow of the story was great. The original story House of Fire was great and I love the twist you made by integrating a drug cartel story. What was your inspiration behind this? You really left the story on an interesting cliffhanger, do you plan on fleshing out what's going to happen between Jose and Pablo? One thing I may recommend is some dialogue between your different characters. Dialogue does a great job of engaging your reader further. Another thing I noticed and I don’t know if it was intentional but you have your author's notes/reading notes displayed twice, you may want to fix that.

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  9. Hi Phillip,
    The Jataka stories at this point are a bit blurry in my mind, but I really enjoyed reading your story. I think the music accompaniment really helped with the immersion. I saw that your dialogues were separated in paragraphs depending on the speaker and this made it easier to read. The dialogues being bunched up is a common mistake that I've found and it's actually a mistake I made myself as well. Coincidentally, your story involved the goddess of contagion similar to another story I just read from a different classmate. Maybe Covid got us all thinking of that particular goddess. Your language was very colorful and made it easy to create an image in my head while reading the story. Really can't find much to give feedback on. Great work!

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  10. Hello Phillip,
    The fisherman story I thought was super interesting and carried a moral lesson. In my opinion, that lesson is; don't disrespect the old man in a world where men die young. Yes, I get that fishing is not a profession where men die young often, but I believe the old man's wisdom applies strongly with that. I enjoyed the way you told the story and how you gave every character in the story his own respective background. The way you spaced the paragraphs out, it felt like I was switching from scenes to scenes which I thought was cool. I appreciated the colorful and easy language you used in order to better picture the image for the readers. Overall, I thought you did an excellent job with your story and I look forward to reading more!

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